In my last post, I spoke about getting the first of my reconstruction surgeries. The surgery was long, but successful. However, it was not without it’s depressive moments.
My mom was helping me take a shower for the first time after surgery. As I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I broke down. First, I saw the scars and it was literally like a science experiment. It was very apparent that someone took one part of my body and just sewed it to another part. I was heartbreaking. I saw that one breast was about three inches lower than the other. This was disturbing as I have a symmetry issue, I began bawling. Seeing that caused many emotions; I was hurt that I looked this way.
I emailed the nurse and she called (which I missed) and emailed me back. She asked me not to judge the results because the surgeon’s only job then was to make sure there was good blood flow. She said during the revision, the surgeon would make things symmetrical. He would fill out my breasts and do some liposuction to make my stomach and sides proportionate to the lower abdomen. I was glad I emailed her because I had no idea that I would feel this way when I saw myself.
I know that nobody sees the scars, but I know they are there. As a result, the insecurity it gives me makes me feel vulnerable. Even though my mind knows people cannot see, my heart is afraid that they do. That may not make sense to most of you, but if you have been through something similar, I have no doubt you understand where I am coming from.
Post/Pre Surgery Trips and Quality Time
I wanted to go on a trip to see some of my family. Unfortunately, I had to wait until my revision surgery was being scheduled. Thankfully, I found out that my revision is scheduled for October 20, 2020. So mom, the boys and I drove to Missouri for a quick trip. It was good to see some family, using social distancing of course!
Now I await the upcoming six hour surgery that will hopefully give me a new lease on life. A new set of boobies that don’t look lopsided, that are nice and perky and a flat tummy to boot. These are things I would never opt to do for cosmetic reasons alone, but like my surgeon says…you guys go through so much and we want to go the extra mile to make you look and feel as good as we can. I am just grateful to still be here.
Until surgery comes, I am just living life, taking day trips and spending time with family. We recently took a day trip to Johnson City and along the way, we stopped at the Exotic Zoo and fed the animals. The boys loved it!
Life is good and we just need to live it. All you have to do is look around you and see the beauty and goodness. We don’t have time to spend on the negativity of the world. Love your little children, spouse, family, and friends, and make beautiful memories that will last a lifetime.
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